What He Always Expected
by LostInTheDreams
Summary: There is no safe place to go when you feel like you're a thief with broken heart and the police are chasing you. All you can do it keep running and hope that you can find some way to make the pain fade. One Shot.


_********__This is a one shot_

Hi there my readers. I would just like to say that I had I fight with a friend  
In fact, she was the first friend I ever had.

Because of that, I had to write. I know there are other stories like this one out there  
But I needed some outlet so this story might be a little different than what I usually produce.

* * *

_**What He Always Expected**_

"The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what is right for you even if it means breaking someone's heart. Including your own." -Unknown

_It's over, it's all over_, Kaito thought vindictively to himself. He felt as if his footsteps weren't even touching the ground as he ran. Aoko knew. She knew.

For once the thief wasn't running from the cops, he was running from himself. And from _her_. She knew.

Kaito hadn't meant for it to happen. He never wanted anything to happen. He wanted to keep his secret forever where no one could judge him or tell him he was wrong. The heist had been going as well as could be expected. He'd gotten the gem and escaped the police but _she'd_ been there.

Kaito hadn't seen Aoko right away. Even thinking back on it made his chest constrict in pain. Aoko had been there and she had tried to hit him. He was used to dodging her but not used to wearing a hat when he did it. She stared open mouthed at him and Kaito could do nothing but run. So that's what he did.

His body was shaking but he couldn't stop that. Anyone he passed would see him now but he didn't care what they thought. His white outfit gave him the attention he didn't want for once but their eyes didn't matter. Aoko's did. There was nothing to hide the fact that her best friend was right in front of her after the hat was gone. As if a monocle could hide his face from someone who knew him for so long.

He'd destroyed everything he cared about for the man that had meant everything to him. Now, as Kaito weighed the consequence of his actions, they were too high. He'd ruined his own life to save the lives of others. He knew it was the right thing to do but it hurt so very much and humans were selfish creatures.

He didn't know where he was running. He needed someone to talk to, someone to lie to him and tell him everything would be okay. Kaito couldn't go home. His mother had enough worry on her shoulders that he didn't want to add to it.

Hakuba was a new and unknown piece of his life still but he didn't know how the detective would react to his sudden appearance. It was too personal and Hakuba wouldn't be able to understand.

As he kept running his body started to wear out sooner than it should have. Emotion was a funny thing, they could give you the energy to take you off faster than you've ever run before and then leave you feeling empty and hollow after the first few minutes.

He didn't like being on the ground. Here people looked at him. They judged him.

Kaito found the nearest building that had a ladder leading to the roof. He took it in jumps that were so far between he should have fallen. Kaito wished that he had. Physical pain would help block the emotional but he was no masochist. He wouldn't purposely hurt himself.

Once up he fumbled with the glider. It was hard to get the switch to work with shaky hands. The gilder finally opened as he was about to forget the idea all together in favor of moving, running, doing anything but sitting still and letting his mind have fun with the consequences of what had happened.

In the air the wind bit at him, still too warm to make him uncomfortable even at night. There were lights on the other side of the city, before the buildings were large enough to block out the beauty of nature.

Out of curiosity he looked. There were police cars at his house. Kaito felt the last shard of hope in him die. Aoko had told. He shook his head and knew he was crying. It hurt to be betrayed and yet, he was the one who had betrayed her first, lied to her first. There was no reason that she should have kept the information to herself.

There was nowhere to go.

Kaito looked desperately around but there was no safe haven left to him. No friend left who would either shun him or be in danger for harboring him. Jii couldn't be put in that position. Not again. The man had been through enough.

Kaito continued on even though he knew he had no place to go. There simply wasn't a place for someone like him in this world. There were the good and the bad, both cared for in their own way by people of the same principals. There was no room for someone on the boarder of both. The good would lock him up and the bad could not trust him, not that he would seek sanctuary in the lair of killers and dealers.

The lights of the city grew brighter as he came upon them and Kaito had to shield his eyes as he came close to a sky scrapper.

He wanted to close the gilder so badly and just end it all right there but that would hurt more people and he'd only feel good about it for a few seconds before he died. It wasn't worth it, as easy as it would have been.

A building below him caught his attention. The stark grey and its dreariness was nothing new in the city but it's familiarity to him was. There weren't any lights on and the coffee shop underneath seemed to be closed. It was late, Kaito reminded himself, but he needed something at that moment or he was afraid of what he might do.

Landing the glider on memory was easy. The hat was gone and Kaito took time only to remove the monocle and tie, throwing the coat into the alley. He didn't care anymore if people saw him, his image would be over the news the next day when he didn't show back up at his house.

Kaito opened the door before climbing the stairs. There was no fear in him now. Any hopes he had for his future had dissipated the minute he'd seen the police. It didn't mattered what happened between then and now, he'd end up in jail either way.

Kaito had to take out his tools to unlock the door. His hands were still shaking so it took him a minute to pry open the lock when it should have taken only a few seconds. He opened the door and peeked in.

Without waiting to see if the occupants were really asleep, Kaito moved over to the small form on the floor, covered by blankets and rolled over onto his side.

"Please," Kaito pleaded in the still air, prodding the body below him, "I need to talk to you."

The boy moved for a second before becoming completely still and turning slowly to see who the new person in the room was.

"I'm not going to do anything to you, or anyone else. Please, I just need to talk to – someone."

The boy saw the truth in the words and the underlying current of pain used to get them out. Conan took the sheets off of him and looked down at his cloths before getting up and walking out of the room. Kaito followed robotically.

"What the hell do you want?" Conan looked at the thief in the dark hallway. His clothes were unmistakably Kid's if anyone cared to compare them, which normal people wouldn't because Kaito didn't parade around in his blue undershirt.

"I already told you," Kaito could tell he was crying but kept his words low so, if he choked, he wouldn't be heard by anyone else. "I need to talk to you."

Conan was frowning but he nodded and looked around. "I think we should talk in my house. This isn't the best place for a conversation. You better make it fast. I don't want Ran to notice I'm gone."

It didn't seem like such a good idea to have come to the boy as it had before but Kaito nodded. He had nowhere else to go.

Kaito followed Conan down the stairs and had to pick the lock on the door across the street to get them inside the house. It took him longer then it should have again and he knew that his trembling hands weren't going unnoticed.

They made their way into the large living room in the middle of the house before Conan sat down on the couch and Kaito sat next to him. The detective was more uncomfortable than the thief at how close they were to each other but the apparent apathy that Kaito was showing was enough for him not to want to be further.

"What's the matter with you?" Conan looked over the other boy, taking in his features and coming to the conclusion that he wasn't being deceived.

"It's over." Kaito finally said the words out loud. He said them with a smile and it hurt but smiling seemed to be the best thing in the world at that moment. He started laughing and he didn't know why. As he laughed, he only cried harder and it made it impossible for him to explain anything. He knew he was going into hysterics but he couldn't stop it.

The laughter quieted after a while but Kaito could feel the urge to keep going. As strung out as he was, it wasn't a shock to him. Conan was the one completely lost.

"What do you mean, 'It's over.'?"

"They know." Kaito rested his hands on his knees and smiled at nothing. "They know who I am. Everyone does. My –" Kaito choked on the word. He had no word to describe Aoko now. If she knew he'd called her his friend after this, as unlikely as that was, it wouldn't feel right. "Someone I care about a lot found out. She hates me."

Kaito felt shuddering breaths escape him. It was the truth. If Aoko had held any doubts about him, she wouldn't have told the police. Aoko knew who she'd seen and she hadn't cared. She'd told her father or one of his men. It didn't matter how it happened. She'd told.

"Did you expect all the girls to like you for stealing?" Conan raised his eyebrows and Kaito coughed on one of his breaths.

"Of course I didn't but I never wanted her to find out. If it was only her that I could have kept fooling, I would have been fine with it."

"You can't fool the people close to you. It seems like it really hurt you," Conan raised an eyebrow. "You're real friends don't like you stealing? Why do you do it?"

"It doesn't matter why. I can say I only have good reasons for what I do but what would it matter?" Kaito looked at Conan with all the wisdom that he'd gained in his half-hour of running away from it all.

"It wouldn't matter. You're a thief. No one would care why you did it."

"Exactly." Kaito held himself, trying to make the hurt go away. More tears came. "But she was the one who told. If she-" Kaito shook his head. "I didn't want her to keep it secret or anything but I didn't want her to tell either. I know I'm making no sense."

"You're a lot different than I thought you were." Conan went over and put a hand on Kaito's, feeling him shake even now. "Can you calm yourself down?"

The magician recoiled from the contact. "No. I've been trying." There would be enough people touching him and he hurt too badly right now. He needed someone to talk to but not someone to sympathize with him. That would only make it hurt more and Kaito didn't know if he could stand any more pain.

"Don't you hate it?" Kaito looked over at him. "Don't you hate lying to everyone you care about even though you know you have to?" He clenched his fist. "Don't you hate acting like an idiot because of it?"

"Of course I do." Conan's eyes seem to clear as he understood now what was eating at Kaito. The magician blew it off.

"I hate it. I hate everything. I hate lying. I hate trying to help people. I hate the god damn cops and I hate you. Sorry but I do. You can keep it up, you can keep lying, you can keep going on with your pretty little life as long as nothing's wrong. I know it hurts to do keep up the deception but it hurts so much more when it's broken. I was forced into the risk of seeing what would happen. Well let me say it's really messed up."

Kaito's body was shaking now, as he was reliving his emotions somewhere he didn't have to keep them inside to burn away at him. What did it matter if the detective saw him? The wounds were already made and he'd have to get them out at some point of be smothered under them.

"I won't let things turn out that way. I'll leave if I have to."

"I thought of that," Kaito said bitterly. "But unlike you, I'm weak. If I leave now, run away from everything, then it will follow me around and continue to hurt me for the rest of my life. At least staying will make me face it."

"I don't know what you expected me to say to you. Are you going to let the cops take you if I call them?"

"Sure," Kaito looked over at the smaller boy. "I don't mind. Can you wait a while? I won't disappear."

"Sure. I think I have to. If they took you away now, I'd be the one feeling guilty."

"Um, Kudo-kun?" Kaito looked over at him and Conan could see the pain flash across his face again.

"What do you want?"

"Where's your bathroom?"

Conan had not been expecting him to ask that. He'd fully been expecting the thief to ask not to be turned in. The bathroom – that was something out of the blue.

"It's down the hall on your right, why?"

"I think I'm going to be sick." Kaito go up and practically ran to get there.

Conan heard the door close and the thief turned the water for the shower on to keep any noise from traveling down the hall. It hadn't hit him just how hard the thief was taking all of this. He knew that the Kaitou Kid had other agendas in mind then just stealing, but he'd expected the thief to take it with grace if he was caught.

Conan leaned over and waited for his return. If Ran had found out who he was, publicly announced his name and said she wanted nothing to do with him as the Black Organization tried to hunt him down, Conan couldn't say he wouldn't be feeling any different.

But he was projecting the thief's description, what little of it he gave about what happened, onto his own life to connect similarities. Conan knew he could be empathizing with him for the wrong reason but, if the emotion was enough to make him sick, odds were that he was close in guess just how badly he was hurting.

Kaito came out of the bathroom feeling shakier then ever and collapsed into the couch.

"I have to call her, if she'll talk to me."

Conan watched Kaito get his phone out of his pocket and stare at it.

"Better to get it over with than wait for it to come to you."

"I know." Kaito flipped his phone open and hit speed dial. Aoko was always the first number he programmed into his phone.

It kept ringing and, just as the voice message was about to get it, Aoko picked up.

"Hey," Kaito answered, his voice so tight he almost didn't get the words out.

"Kaito you – you," he could hear how mad she was at him. He didn't waste breath on apologizing. Kaito knew he wouldn't be forgiven. "I hate you so much Kaito!" There were tears in her voice and Kaito couldn't help crying along with her.

"I know." Again, his words were almost lost to emotions.

"Why call me? Did you think I would be okay with it? Kaito you've been lying to me and to my dad! Kaito, I thought you were my friend!"

"I thought I could be both. I know, I was wrong."

"Dead wrong! Kaito I – I can't believe you did that? My dad's going to catch you! He's going to make you pay! Do you – do you know how much it hurt seeing you there?"

"I can guess."

"You can't! Kaito you can't even begin to understand how I feel! I hate you so much! The next time I see you – you know what? There won't be a next time! I never want to see your face ever again Kaito!"

Aoko hung up and him and Kaito looked at the phone with a smile.

"That didn't sound like it went too well," Conan added in unhelpfully.

"It went perfectly." Kaito's smile traveled down to Conan. "It was just what I always expected she would say if she found out."

The magician couldn't help lapsing back into hysterical laughter and tears. Everything hurt and now Aoko was hurting too. They were all hurting and Kaito just wanted the whole damn world to stop hurting so very much.

"Go!"

Conan's fierce voice made Kaito jump.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Leave. I won't tell anyone that you were here. Go finish what it was that was so important that you're making yourself sick over it. Go. And when you're done doing whatever it is that was so important to you, turn yourself in."

Kaito shook his head. He couldn't keep running. He wasn't strong enough. His father's life and his future were all wasted because of it but Kaito knew that he couldn't keep going after this. Aoko would only hate him more and for some dumb reason, he cared about how much she would hate him.

"I can't."

"You've been going for this long. Don't get weak now because of this. Pain will fade with time. It will. The regret won't. Keep going and remember that regret. Remember how much greater it would be if you did nothing with your life. You were doing something important. I _know_ you were. Life was too important to you. Keep going."

Kaito felt the strength start to enter him again. His life was over, there was no doubt about that, but his job wasn't.

He nodded. "Thank you Kudo-kun. If you wouldn't mind, I – I need to rest. I feel like a rag doll. I can't go home."

"Stay here. I'll let you use my house." Conan got off the couch and left the room. "When you're done, then you can turn yourself in."

Kaito nodded again, letting himself fall asleep.

Six months later the Kaitou Kid vanished off the face of the earth along with flawless emerald from a museum up north. All that was left was a single note.

Conan opened it and read it through before throwing it away. Later that night he rescued it from the garbage can and kept it with him.

It simply read:

_"I'm sorry Tantai-kun, I guess I'm not strong enough after all. I can't face her. Not now and not ever again. I hope you can understand how I feel. I didn't mean to lie to you but it's so natural now that not one part of my life is the truth. My name is different, my address is different, I have to lie to everyone I meet about ever part of my life. I hate it and I feel for you._

_I wish I were as strong as you are, but I guess we're the same. If you ever need to run away, like you told me that day, come find me. It shouldn't be hard for you._

_But be prepared. Once you start running you can never stop. And guess what, the pain never fades."_

_- K.K._


End file.
